Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Things not to say

Lindsey is a loyal Fatherhood reader. She's also pregnant.

A few weeks ago, Lindsey emailed me to tell me the story of her decision to wear a dress to work. After explaining to me that it took a lot to work up the nerve to wear the dress, a comment from a coworker had her quickly rethinking her decision.

"Oh my gosh! Are your legs always that big or are you swollen?"

OK, once you've finished your gasp, let's move on.

When I told my wife this she was hardly surprised.

"People say offensive things to me all the time," Kayla said. "They don't mean to. They just don't realize its offensive."

So with a nod to Kayla as well as poor Lindsey, I thought it might be a good idea to come up with a list of things to never, ever say to a pregnant woman.
"You can't even tell you're pregnant."

Maybe at one to three months this is acceptable but once you reach the third trimester all this means is "Wow, you're so fat normally I didn't even know you had an infant growing in there."

"Are you sure you're not having twins?"

By this point, pregnant women have been to a doctor numerous times. Odds are, someone would have noticed. Again, this just says "Hey, fat."

"Was it planned?"

No, the condom broke. This was a complete accident. C'mon people, even if it wasn't planned do you really think you're gonna get that kind of information?

"Should you really be eating that?"

Unless you want that hand bitten off, I would never suggest trying to take food out of a pregnant woman's hands/mouth. If the girl is hungry let her eat. She's "eating for two" as they say. Count your own calories, momma's hungry.

"Those stretch marks/excess hair will go away when the baby is born, right?"

If by some chance these words come out of your mouth, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit and pray to God she doesn't find you. And since preggos seem to have a keen sense of smell, odds are you're done for.

"I never had any morning sickness."

Do you really think saying "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo" to a pregnant woman is really in your best interest? I've learned that to every preggo, hers is the worst pregnancy in the history of pregnancies. So telling her how much better yours was than hers is not recommended.

"Got milk?"

Really? A lactation comment? We're really going there?

Any labor horror stories.

I think that most pregnant women are like my wife: hormonal and borderline crazy. When you add those wacked out baby deliver shows on TLC to the equation you have a hypochondriatic mess. The last thing a woman needs is you telling her how some doctor missed with the epidoral needle or how a nurse dropped some baby and broke its collarbone.

And finally, under no circumstances should you ever utter the words "Oh look, you're waddling."

Two ice packs later, I learned my lesson on that one.

Friday, August 07, 2009


I have not been sleeping well at all over the last weeks. But last night I actually slept (pretty much) the whole night through. As in when I woke up I could go back to sleep. I am so thankful!

I think one of the worst things people can say to pregnant women is "Sleep now while you can." When you are exhausted from not sleeping and know there is no hope for good sleeping in the near future, this is NOT something you want to hear. Also on the list of things not to say to pregnant women would be, "Wow, you are huge!" Just a word to the wise.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Waiting Game

All of the responsibilities I needed to complete before Anna came are done. I am done working now--today was my last day. It is kind of a weird mix of emotions. We're ready for you, Anna! Its also strange because she could come tonight or not for another 3 weeks. My family has a history of being late (you don't have to take after us here, Anna!)

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself next week if she does wait a while. Sure, there are lots of things I could cleaning the house and cleaning out the junk room, etc. etc. That just doesn't sound very exciting, though does it?

The wait continues...